How to stop loving someone and move on (2023)

It can take some time to fully process the end of a romantic relationship. Identifying what you want from a future relationship and acknowledging the importance of the old one are important steps in helping you move forward.

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Most people would agree that you usually can't help who you fall in love with. But under some circumstances, you might wish that wasn't the case.

Maybe you love someone who doesn't feel the same way about you.

“The longing that accompanies one-sided love can affect emotional well-being and cause a lot of discomfort,” she hedgehog, Marriage and Family Therapist in San Diego.

Or maybe you love someone who continually shows that they don't care about you. Perhaps you and your partner love each other intensely, but have too many differences to sustain a lasting relationship.

Regardless of the situation, love is a complicated emotion. And even when it's clear that a relationship isn't doing you any favors, it can seem impossible to turn off your feelings.

These tips can help you start the process of moving forward.

Optimismnot a bad feature. In fact, the ability to maintain hope in difficult or painful situations is often considered a sign of personal strength.

But when it comes to difficult relationships, it's more helpful to consider the present reality than the future you imagine.

The person you love may not feel the same. Or maybe you're madly in love during intimate moments, but spend the rest of your time together arguing about almost everything.

If you think that giving up your relationship or love for someone means you have failed, think again. It takes courage and self-awareness to recognize this. You have taken a positive step towards personal growth.

Just realizing that your relationship is going nowhere probably won't make your feelings go away overnight, but it's an important step.

Look carefully at what you want from a relationship, as well as what you absolutelyNowant, it can help you identify the ways a love interest might not be the best match.

Let's say you and your FWB have something important. The more time they spend together, the more connected they feel. Eventually you realize that you have fallen in love with them.

But there's a big problem: days, sometimes a week or more, often go by without you knowing anything about them. You send them a message on Facebook and realize they are online, but still no response.

If you prioritize the goodcommunicationin relationships, the inability to communicate with you in a timely manner is a good indicator that you are not a good match.

When you recognize the ways that someone you love is not meeting your needs, it may be easier to work through your feelings.

"Some loves can always scratch your heart," says Egel. “Some relationships, especially those that were an integral part of growing up at pivotal times in our lives, go through the internal formation of who we become.”

Letting go of significant love can make you feel like you, too, are letting go of everything you ever were. But try to take the opportunity to acknowledge the good things about the relationship, including anything you learned from it. Validate those feelings. Give them space in your heart.

Denying your emotions or their meaning can trip you up. Honoring your experience and letting those intense feelings become part of your past can help you begin to find peace and move on.

What's more, acknowledging the past importance of your love can help you see how it no longer serves you.

Love for an ex or for someone who does not correspond to your feelings can limit you. If you get stuck with someone you can't relate to, it's probably hard for you to find happiness with someone else.

Even if you don't feel ready for anything serious, casual dating can help you realize that there are a lot of nice people out there.

When you want to go on a more serious date, finding the right partner can still be challenging. It often takes some time. Dating frustrations can make it especially tempting to think about the person you already love.

But commit to looking ahead, not back, even if it's hard at first.

If no one is feeling well, you may still need time to get over your lingering attachment. It is perfectly fine to enjoy casual relationships while doing this job. But handle these situations with integrity: Be direct and honest about what you're looking for and what you can offer right now.

people overcomingdistressoften tend to "forget" about othersimportant relationshipsIn their life.

Your friends and family can offer support as you work to heal. They might even have some useful insight or wisdom to share from their own experiences.

Loved ones can also provide strength and guidance if you are trying to recover from the effects of atoxic relationship. Just make sure you pay attention to how their interactions make you feel.

If you feel like someone is judging you or your choices, or making you feel bad in other ways, it would be wise to limit your time with that person.

When you're feeling head over heels in love, you can make small (or not-so-small) changes to your appearance or personality to align with what you think they want in a partner.

Consider the parts of yourself that you may have denied, repressed, or changed. Perhaps you dressed more elegantly than you'd like, played a sport you weren't interested in, or gave up your favorite hobby.

Or maybe you completely avoided expressing your emotions and stopped asking for what you needed.

Are you comfortable with these changes? Thinking about the parts of yourself that you could have easily lost in the relationship can help you lessen your love for someone who didn't really love you.for you.

It may seem like an obvious step, but it's an important one.

When you're ready to move on, distance can be your best friend. Even the occasional text, call, or Snapchat can reignite those feelings you thought were behind you.

You may want to avoid contacting the person unlessIn factneed, as if youshared custodychildren or work together.

If you're friends who used to spend a lot of time together, it might be worth spending time with other friends for now.

You may want to keep your friendship. That's not a bad goal if the relationship is healthy. But consider waiting until the intensity of your love wears off. Otherwise, you could end up causing yourself unnecessary pain.

Feelings of love can and do fade, but it's usually not a quick process. And it is very normal to feel a lot of discomfort in the meantime.

Here are some tips to help you during this period:

  • Be patient with yourself.
  • Practiceself pitytelling yourself what you would say to a friend in the same situation.
  • Accept that it is natural to feel pain.
  • Remember that the pain will not last forever.

Loving someone who isn't right for you, even someone who hurt you, doesn't make you stupid or imperfect. It's easy to see the best in someone and expect that person to change. It may take some time to change your perspective and realize that they probably won't.

"Issues of the heart can get us where it really hurts," Egel observes.

She recommends therapy as a helpful resource when:

  • have difficulty living your life as you normally would
  • feeling confused about your feelings
  • find yourself in a dark place
  • have trouble acknowledging or accepting their feelings

Therapy provides a safe, nonjudgmental space to explore emotions and discuss strategies to deal with them productively. A therapist can also teach coping skills to deal with these feelings until the intensity subsides.

It is always best to seek professional help immediately if:

  • have thoughts ofsuicide
  • feel hopeless
  • experience persistent feelings ofdepressionoanxiety

If you need help now

If you are thinking about killing yourself or have thoughts of harming yourself, you can callNational Suicide Prevention Hotline.

The 24/7 hotline will connect you with mental health resources in your area. Trained specialists can also help you find resources in your state for treatment if you don't have health insurance.

Humans are unique beings with complex emotions. No matter how badly you want to stop loving someone, it's hard to just flip a switch on your feelings.

You can always carry those feelings with you in some form. Love doesn't always go away just because we want to.

But even if you can't completely stop loving someone who doesn't love you or has hurt you, you can manage those feelings in positive and healthy ways so they don't continue to cause you pain.

Crystal Raypole previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her areas of interest include Asian languages ​​and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. In particular, she is committed to helping lessen the stigma surrounding mental health issues.


Can you ever stop loving someone and move on? ›

The answer is yes. It might be difficult, but it is possible to move on and get over someone. We will take you through various tips that might help you move on from your heartbreak. Keep reading for our tips on how to unlove someone.

How do you stay away from someone you truly love? ›

10 ways of ignoring someone you love
  1. Don't be too eager. For some, the flame of love begins to flicker when the chase ends. ...
  2. Stay strong. ...
  3. Don't respond to texts right away. ...
  4. Live your own life. ...
  5. Be patient. ...
  6. Act busy, but not too busy. ...
  7. Don't be rude. ...
  8. Pay attention to your intuition.
Feb 24, 2021

Why is it so hard to let go of someone you love? ›

The Reason Why It's Hard to Let Go

Loss comes in many forms, not just death. And every loss comes with a certain level of grief. Letting go of someone you love also isn't just about that person. It also signifies a big change in your life, and maybe even your identity.

How long on average does it take to stop loving someone? ›

"It can take anywhere from six weeks to three months to forever, depending on how intense the relationship was, how invested you were in each other, and how heartbroken you are," says Jane Greer, PhD, New York-based marriage and family therapist and author of What About Me? (Those three factors all sort of piggyback on ...

How do you remove someone from your mind and heart? ›

12 Ways to Stop Thinking About Someone for Good
  1. Find the root.
  2. Focus on facts.
  3. Accept it.
  4. Write it down.
  5. Get distracted.
  6. Go inward.
  7. Meet your needs.
  8. Keep a distance.
Nov 20, 2020

How do you get someone out of your mind and heart? ›

Move your body

Don't sit at home all day and ruminate about this person. Go out and experience the world by yourself or with other positive people in your life. Even better, try some hobbies you couldn't engage in while this person was around in your life.

Is it possible to never get over someone? ›

So yes, it's entirely possible to never get over someone "if you don't begin to take time out to have therapy and understand what you're doing and how you're feeling," Mutanda says. Spending time alone and 'dating' yourself is so important after a relationship. You need time to be you again, she says.

How do you move on when someone doesn't want you? ›

What To Do When Your Crush Doesn't Like You Back
  1. Don't Be Quick To Take It Personal. ...
  2. It's Not A Reflection Of Your Personal Worth. ...
  3. You Don't Like Every Person That Likes You Either. ...
  4. You Can't Force Someone to Like You Back. ...
  5. Give Yourself Time To Process How You Feel. ...
  6. Avoid These Common Social Media Pitfalls. ...
  7. Move Forward.

What does ignoring someone do? ›

A person who is ignored feels a wide range of confusing emotions. They may feel anger, sadness, frustration, guilt, despair, and loneliness, all at once. Naturally, such emotional confusion can have a damaging effect on your psyche. It can decrease your sense of self-worth.

When to give up on a relationship? ›

Some signs that it is time to end the relationship include:
  • You've both stopped trying.
  • There is no emotional or physical connection or intimacy.
  • You have differing goals in life.
  • You no longer trust each other.
  • You can't imagine a future together.
  • There is constant conflict or abuse in the relationship.

What is the hardest part is to let go of someone you love? ›

“The hardest part of letting go is the "uncertainty"--when you are afraid that the moment you let go of someone you will hate yourself when you find out how close you were to winning their affection. Every time you give yourself hope you steal away a part of your time, happiness and future.

How do you let go and be yourself? ›

Tips for letting go
  1. Create a positive mantra to counter the painful thoughts. ...
  2. Create physical distance. ...
  3. Do your own work. ...
  4. Practice mindfulness. ...
  5. Be gentle with yourself. ...
  6. Allow the negative emotions to flow. ...
  7. Accept that the other person may not apologize. ...
  8. Engage in self-care.
Sep 1, 2018

What are the 5 stages of a breakup? ›

Even ifyou were the one who initiated the split, there are five stages ofgrief that you will go through. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, according to Mental-Health-Matters. These are the natural ways for your heart to heal.

How do you know he will never forget you? ›

15 clear signs that he can't forget you
  • He communicates regularly with you. ...
  • He answers your calls and texts instantly. ...
  • His friends are giving you clues. ...
  • He likes all your social media posts. ...
  • He asks for your pictures. ...
  • He likes your favorite songs/movies. ...
  • He loves talking to you about his day.
May 10, 2022

What does heartbreak feel like for a man? ›

Some people describe it as a dull ache, others as piercing, while still others experience it as a crushing sensation. The pain can last for a few seconds and then subside, or it can be chronic, hanging over your days and depleting you like just like the pain, say, of a back injury or a migraine.

How do you let someone go emotionally? ›

How to let go of someone
  1. Recognize when it's time. Learning when it's time to let go is often the most difficult part of this process. ...
  2. Identify limiting beliefs. ...
  3. Change your story. ...
  4. Stop the blame game. ...
  5. Embrace the “F” word. ...
  6. Master your emotions. ...
  7. Adopt an attitude of gratitude. ...
  8. Talk to someone you trust.

What is the psychology behind wanting someone who doesn t want you? ›

Romantic rejection stimulates parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, addiction, and cravings. Being romantically rejected can be a familiar feeling that mirrors one's childhood, leading that person to seek out more of the same.

Why do I crave someone I can't have? ›

When you feel like something is lacking within you, you may crave someone. When you're emotionally all over the place on some level, you may crave someone. Feeding into a memory, the way a person made you feel or a desire that you possibly have been suppressing, that too can cause you to crave someone.

How do you know if someone is constantly thinking about you? ›

You Dream About Them

This is especially true for people who have not seen each other for a long time. If they are thinking actively about you, it might be enough to trigger a psychic manifestation in your dreams. Sometimes, these dreams are so vivid and intense that they might hint at what the person is thinking.

Why my heart can't stop thinking about someone? ›

Loneliness: Sometimes you might find yourself thinking about someone because you are feeling lonely and are longing for their company or companionship. Low self-esteem: In some instances, low self-esteem might lead people to think about others who they do not have the confidence to approach in real life.

Why am I constantly thinking about someone? ›

If you are unable to stop thinking about someone, you most likely have 'anxious attachment'. You might push and pull in relationships to get a break from the anxiety they cause you.

Can you train your brain to stop thinking about someone? ›

You can stop thinking about someone by refocusing on yourself, keeping your distance, and exploring why you can't take them out of your head. Whether you've just come out of a relationship or experiencing unrequited love, learning how to stop thinking about someone can feel impossible — but it isn't.

How do you permanently get something off your mind? ›

Physical exercise, fresh air, and sleeping are fantastic ways to get things off your mind and improve memory. Taking more breaks helps to increase your effectiveness. Meditation can help you practice mindfulness and overcome negative feelings. Using apps makes it easy to practice the techniques.

What happens when you can't get someone out of your mind? ›

When you're unable to get someone off your mind, it may signify that the universe is trying to bring both of you together. Both of you cross each other paths often. Your gut feeling tells you that good things are on their way.

Do you ever get over someone you truly love? ›

Again, getting over someone you loved is a long process. It might take months or even years before you can finally let go and move on. But no matter how complicated and long the process may be, always believe that you'll get through it.

What to do when you just can't get over someone? ›

Also comforting: that there are things you can do to make moving on a little easier on yourself.
  1. Create boundaries around social media. ...
  2. Create boundaries around communication, too. ...
  3. Stop having sex with them. ...
  4. Surround yourself with supportive people. ...
  5. Don't rush into something else. ...
  6. Don't be afraid of your emotions.
Nov 10, 2022

Can true love come back? ›

True love always has a habit of coming back and because of that, you really need to keep faith in your relationship. When times are rough and hard it can be difficult to keep this belief in mind. However, if you really can keep faith in a strong, healthy relationship then love will always work out in the end.

How do I stop wanting someone? ›

These tips can help you start the process of moving forward.
  1. Acknowledge the truth of the situation. ...
  2. Identify relationship needs — and deal breakers. ...
  3. Accept what the love meant to you. ...
  4. Look to the future. ...
  5. Prioritize other relationships. ...
  6. Spend time on yourself. ...
  7. Give yourself space. ...
  8. Understand it may take some time.
Jan 14, 2020

How do you stop missing someone who doesn't want you? ›

Missing someone can really hurt, but we have to have the wisdom to know when we need to process it, and when it's time to get busy with life and stop worrying about it.
Get Busy Doing With New Activities
  1. Distract Yourself.
  2. Meet New People And Have New Experiences.
  3. Move On From Missing That Person.

Why am I holding on to someone who doesn't want me? ›

For many people who are holding onto someone who doesn't love them, they're doing so because they're scared. They're scared of how their person will react if they leave, of the words of anger that they might hear, and that things might get physical. They might also be scared that their person won't let them go.

Why silence is powerful with a man? ›

The silent treatment puts a man in heightened anticipation. It shows you aren't afraid of little distance or break in a relationship. He doesn't know your whereabouts or how you feel.

What silent treatment does to a person? ›

In general, the silent treatment is a manipulation tactic that can leave important issues in a relationship unresolved. It also can leave the partner on the receiving end feeling worthless, unloved, hurt, confused, frustrated, angry, and unimportant.

Does blocking or ignoring hurt more? ›

Worse still, studies have shown that the pain of being ignored is worse than being bullied.

What are the signs when a relationship is over? ›

There's no emotional connection

If you're not sharing what's really on your mind, it might be a sign that you no longer want a deep connection. Similarly, if you've found that the usual fun banter between you is gone, or it's difficult to have engaging conversations, your bond could be getting weaker.

What are red flags in a relationship? ›

Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying. You should also be wary of a partner who frequently criticizes you or puts you down. Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn't be one-sided.

At what point do most relationships end? ›

New research shows that relationships are actually more vulnerable to demise far sooner than the dreaded seven year itch. The most common time for a couple to split is right around the two year mark. By then, you've most likely seen everything about your partner—their best and their worst physically and emotionally.

Who falls harder in love? ›

This is backed up by Marissa Harrison, a psychologist from Pennsylvania State University who thinks that women are much more cautious when it comes to love, while men tend to fall in love harder and faster. Studies show that a man's requirements to fall in love are significantly less stringent than those of a woman.

When should you let the person you love go? ›

When the situation is holding you back from growing and being who you want to be. When you stay, hoping and expecting things to get better. When you cry more than you laugh and love. When you feel exhausted emotionally, spiritualty and physically.

Why is letting go of someone you love so hard? ›

The Reason Why It's Hard to Let Go

Loss comes in many forms, not just death. And every loss comes with a certain level of grief. Letting go of someone you love also isn't just about that person. It also signifies a big change in your life, and maybe even your identity.

Why is letting go so hard? ›

Letting go is hard because it means that you need to free yourself from some aspects of your past. Things that have become a part of yourself – of what makes you who you are today. Most people understand this as getting rid of that “thing” resulting in a change in who you are.

How do you detach from someone? ›

Here are some things you can try.
  1. Identify the reason. Ask yourself why you're now deciding to detach from the relationship. ...
  2. Release your emotions. ...
  3. Don't react, respond. ...
  4. Start small. ...
  5. Keep a journal. ...
  6. Meditate. ...
  7. Be patient with yourself. ...
  8. Look forward.

How do you stop feeling for someone who doesn't love you? ›

It's time to use these steps and stop loving someone who doesn't love you back, once and for all:
  1. Realize that he doesn't love you anymore. ...
  2. Reflect on your needs. ...
  3. Be an individual. ...
  4. Love yourself first. ...
  5. Strengthen your beauty and inner peace. ...
  6. Eliminate hope. ...
  7. Be strong. ...
  8. Fall back in love.
Aug 2, 2017

Why do we love someone who doesn't love us? ›

We are infatuated with making them like us. We are infatuated with the feeling of control — that if we turn up a certain way we will succeed in our conquest. We develop a sense of power over the situation by thinking we can “do something” to make them love us back.

Can you walk away from someone you truly love? ›

Allow yourself time to go through the grieving process; when you love someone deeply, walking away is going to hurt and you need to nurture yourself until you are strong again. Avoid reminders of that person (such as songs and places) until you know you are strong enough to cope with them.

Can you love someone again after you stop loving them? ›

According to experts, it's totally possible to fall back in love with someone you used to date, and the reason why makes sense. "Once you love someone, unless your respect for them is destroyed, you can always love them again," Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells Elite Daily.

Is it true that you never stop loving someone? ›

It's possible to stop loving someone, but when you truly loved them on a deep level, you will only stop being in love with them, but you'll always love them. That's actually the beautiful thing about strong, healthy relationships.

How a man feels when a woman walks away? ›

He might feel sad and rejected.

Many people feel a sense of grief for the person and relationship they lost. Your significant other might very well experience intense sadness after you walk away as he grieves for what you had together.

Will he chase me if I walk away? ›

Men like the chase

You might not know that men like the chase, which is why walking away is powerful. If you take the opportunity to walk away from an individual that isn't putting in the same effort that you are into the relationship, this might cause him to want to chase you and make it up to you.

Can someone who truly loves you stop loving you? ›

It is absolutely normal to know that you love someone but don't work as a couple. Relationships change constantly. You can go from being in a relationship with someone to strangers to best friends, then back to strangers. You can love someone, then stop loving them, then love them again!

Is it true that true love always come back? ›

Genuine love is profound—it does not come and go every now and then; it is something that is likely to last over time. This does not mean that love cannot fade away, but even when it does, it leaves some scars, or rather potential feelings that can flourish if and when the environment is conducive.

Do exes ever get back together? ›

Research finds that 40-50 percent of people have reunited with an ex to start a new relationship. On-again relationships tend to suffer lower relationship quality and worse functioning than never-broken relationships. People often resume relationships with ex-partners because of lingering feelings.

Do guys ever come back after losing interest? ›

Once a guy loses interest can you get it back? Yes, you can get a guy's interest back once he loses it because he was once captivated by you. Your job is to figure out what's changed and fix it. Most men don't just wake up one morning and decide they've lost interest, it's a process.

How do you let go of someone? ›

How to let go of someone
  1. Recognize when it's time. Learning when it's time to let go is often the most difficult part of this process. ...
  2. Identify limiting beliefs. ...
  3. Change your story. ...
  4. Stop the blame game. ...
  5. Embrace the “F” word. ...
  6. Master your emotions. ...
  7. Adopt an attitude of gratitude. ...
  8. Talk to someone you trust.

Do guys hurt after dumping you? ›

You might be wondering whether guys hurt after dumping you. The answer is yes, but they might not show it openly due to the stigma surrounding the expression of pain or sadness. Due to this suppression, men don't express how they feel about a breakup, but instead, they bottle it up.

Can you ever stop loving someone you never stop? ›

You may always carry those feelings with you in some form. Love doesn't always go away just because we want it to. But even if you can't entirely stop loving someone who doesn't love you or who's caused you harm, you can manage those feelings in positive, healthy ways so they don't continue to cause you pain.

Why you can't unlove someone? ›

You can't unlove someone easily with whom you have shared best moments of your life. It takes something special to remove that person from your heart. People who never loved, move on easily. However, sometimes you have to leave that person whom you love the most.


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